I used to be an addict.

I used to spend all my days chasing a high…

That I would never fully reach.

It felt good in the moment, but there was always a brutal crash.

And the more I chased it, the further it got away.

It left me drained, overwhelmed and often resentful.

I would neglect myself and end up in many unwanted situations.

Sometimes getting home at 7am after a night out.

It took me 30 years to finally admit I had a problem.

And I’ve been in recovery for the last 3 years.

“My name is Alex and I’m a recovering people pleaser.”

Do you ever feel like you can't say no to someone, even when you really want to?

How many times have you said yes to a drink, even though every single part of you wanted you to say no?

Do you get a rush from making others happy, even at the cost of your own wellbeing?

Well, you may be addicted to people pleasing.

That's right, people pleasing is a real addiction. It's like a drug, and you're the dealer.

You can't get enough of that sweet, sweet validation from others. You'll do anything to keep them happy and avoid confrontation.

But just like any addiction, people pleasing can have serious consequences.

It can lead to stress, anxiety and even burnout. It will strain your relationships and harm your sense of self-worth.

So what can you do if you're addicted to people pleasing?
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Well, it's time to start rehab.

First, you need to recognize that your addiction is a problem. Admit it, you have a problem. Say it out loud:

"Hi, my name is XXXX, and I'm a people pleaser."

Next you want to master the art of saying NO:

Understand that whenever you say YES to something, you’re actually saying NO to something else.

Saying YES to a late night meeting with your boss might give you a temporary sense of validation…

but it actually means you’re saying NO to meeting one of your needs (ie. physical exercise, alone time, quality time with your family etc.)

And the long term consequence of neglecting your needs is that it reduces your sense of self worth and puts you in a never ending cycle of not feeling good enough and seeking more validation.

Self-worth is directly linked to how well you take care of your needs.

So every time you set boundaries or say NO, it sends a signal to your mind and body saying that you value yourself.

The more you do this, the more you will feel worthy and the less you will need to people please.

Much Love,

Alex

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PS: What I’m reading: Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield

What I’m watching: The Night Agent

Quote of the week: “If a 100 foot oak tree had the mind of a human, it would only grow to be 10 feet tall. - T. Harv Eker